Member-only story
Hedgehog’s Dilemma: Why You Avoid Intimacy Even Though You Crave It
The closer you get, the more it hurts.
Human relationships are complicated, don’t you agree?
If you meet someone today, you’re bound to separate later. If you enjoy someone’s company, you’ll miss them when they’re not around. The more you love someone, the more you’re at risk of heartache. The more you open up, the more likely you are to break down.
Sometimes, it can seem like the best solution is to just live without any relationships at all. Being alone is simpler, isn’t it? You only have you to think about. There’s no drama, psychological games, or bothersome social customs.
Even if that doesn’t sound appealing to you, it does to someone. Even if affection, connection, and intimacy are elementary needs for all human beings, there are people who intentionally deprive themselves of those needs because they don’t want to deal with the repercussions. These people have many labels: loner, antisocial, anxious-avoidant, Hikikomori, and so on.
If this happens to you, you might be experiencing a hedgehog’s dilemma.
A Prickly Paradox
The term “hedgehog’s dilemma,” also known as “porcupine dilemma,” is coined by German philosopher Arthur…
